At the beginning of each year, many people make promises about what they plan to do or not do during the months ahead. We make lists and vision boards, we sign up at the local gym or hire a life/business coach or a financial planner. We become very excited about the possibilities which are infinite.
Yet for some, it may be difficult to celebrate a NEW beginning or focus on a fresh start. We may feel stuck in the past, unable to feel passion about anything and have difficulty letting go of the old. The winter feels like it will last forever and feelings of hopelessness may invade us. We then begin to disbelieve that anything can or will change for the better.
Endings are much like death. It can be experienced as a very dark time like devastation, a disaster or complete ruin. It is normal to feel sadness when this happens because a piece of us dies. Our lives change and we change. We grieve as we acknowledge our shifts and that sometimes our initial expectations are unfulfilled. We drop into the emotional depths of ourselves and for some, who are not feeling their feelings, may even fall into a depression. Our emotional entanglements and attachments may even cloud our vision and we become unclear of where we are headed. We are held hostage and become prisoners of our circumstances if we are not consciously feeling, being in the moment and keeping our heart open to the limitless opportunities.
I definitely have felt this way and have had experiences like this. While working at a certain job, the department I was leading had been restructured. Ninety percent of my staff were shifted to another department and were reporting to someone else. My job was also restructured. While my salary was still intact, I had 50% less responsibilities. At first glance, this would seem like a dream situation. However, it wasn’t for me. I was triggered and had repressed my feelings about the whole thing. The situation brought up lots of old wounds. Mostly because of the way the shift occurred and how the department restructure was announced. It was done in a way that made me look incompetent and is if I did something wrong or that I deserved to be treated less than. I felt angry, hurt, and betrayed. It also brought up lots of fear. I feared that I would be easily fired if needed since I was no longer one of the top producers in the company.
I was in shock and numb by how hurt I was. I thought I would be ecstatic by a shift in job responsibilities. I wasn’t. I allowed myself to feel the hurt, to feel the shift in my job…in me and in my life. It was an ending. An end of a long-term relationship/experience and as with all endings I needed to grieve it. I also needed to accept responsibility for allowing myself to become emotionally unhealthy there. I was attached to something outside of me to bring me happiness and I allowed it to define who I was. I also needed to accept responsibility for the fact that I was not honoring myself by not focusing on me and my dreams.
As we go beneath the surface and go deeper into ourselves when we are grieving an end or a change, we are gifted the opportunity to see and know the truth of who we are and what we are capable of within situations, in how we treat others and how we relate to ourselves. The questions are:
Do we judge ourselves for our experiences? Or do we compassionately accept the moments we are having with grace and ease and use it as an opportunity for great healing and growth?
Ruins can be regenerative and emotionally catharsis. It can be become a purification of mental thoughts, beliefs, emotions and eventually the way we behave in our everyday. Our challenge and greatest reward is in growing ourselves. Growing in consciousness and unfoldment, and discovering how deeply we can go into ourselves. When we go into to the darkness with an open heart, we expand. We extend ourselves into the light as we keep ourselves open. When we resist and keep ourselves distant, we stay within the depths of despair.
Growing ourselves requires us to train our minds. Shifting our thoughts from limitation to possibilities. We must protect our mind from confusion, negativity, delusions, defeatism, dullness and narrowness. This is what keeps us in the dark and away from the light. Shifting the focus from limiting beliefs and emotions into our own intuition and trusting that through our own life experiences, we have the ability to become the master of our own lives. Our goal is to be humble and let go of expectations of how things or people should be including ourselves. When we relax into ourselves and our paths and play with the journey, we can easily release what it is that we are resisting. We can then take the steps to move forward, especially after we fall down, and allow the light to come in and shine on us. And we give permission to the beauty of life to fill our hearts with love and bliss.
As I moved forward from my own work experience, I was grateful for all that transpired. I became less stressed and more emotionally alive again. It became a brand new beautiful and amazing beginning. One that I never anticipated. While it did bring about uncomfortableness because I had never in my entire life had a job where I wasn’t swamped and loaded with a myriad of responsibilities. It was a shift in my mindset of knowing I was being paid for my skills and who I was, and not by “how much I actually did” or “how many people I managed.” It allowed me the opportunity to step more fully into my dream job and making it a reality.
A new year can bring great change. And yes changes can be quite uncomfortable. However, your transformation can be absolutely marvelous and loving if you allow it to be. All you have to do is get out of your own way and let life love you the way you want to be loved!
You are loved so love yourself just as much!
Thank you for being here and for allowing me to share with you.