Every relationship is like a dance. There is a flow to it. It can be graceful or chaotic. The flow of the dance depends on you, your partner and the balance within the relationship. Finding the spiritual balance in your relationships is that moment where it feels like heaven on earth. Just like dancing, there are times when you give and times when you receive. However, discovering the “right” balance that works for you isn’t always an easy task. Like everything else it takes practice.
But what is balance and what does it mean for you and your relationships? Spiritual balance is to be in alignment within yourself which means to honor yourself and your needs, and not violating your boundaries or even someone else’s. It begins with knowing you and your limits. These limits are your boundaries and they are a healthy part of your life. It helps you to feel safe, sane and secure within yourself, your relationships and in the world. It is accepting responsibility for yourself and allowing for the other person to accept responsibility for themselves. For the over doer, achiever or giver this means only doing your fair share. For the taker, underachiever or under doer of the relationship, it’s only taking your fair share. Whether this is pertaining to house chores, an argument, duties at work, etc. it is finding that place where all parties involved are honoring their own and each other’s needs, and not stepping onto anyone’s toes. It’s a dance.
Spiritual balance doesn’t always mean that things will always remain exactly equal all of the time or that “equal distribution” of some particular thing means the same thing in every relationship and to every single person. There will be times when we might give a little extra because that’s what we need to do when we love and the other person is in need or we take a little extra when we are facing a challenge. However, this cannot remain in that same pace for long durations. Eventually, someone will feel resentful or taken for granted when things are not in alignment with their spiritual center. Being in spiritual balance is always needing review and attention.
You can see this in corporations that try to encourage work and life balance. The purpose of this is to help employees make positive lasting lifestyle changes so they feel and think better which in turn enables them to perform, achieve or lead better at work. It is a natural process and part of life. When you feel fulfilled and in balance in all areas of your life, you perform better at work, in your relationships and in life. This “better” really means living in passion, being happy, and at peace without resistance.
Being in any one extreme can be easy even though it feels awfully uncomfortable. It is in finding your spiritual balance that takes effort. It is also knowing when you have lost your balance and taking the steps necessary to be back in balance. It’s about better boundary management. Balance is about making choices that honor who you are and loving you. It is also something you create when you are out of balance or you have made choices or created situations where you have given too much or not given enough. Life is a series of being in balance. You balance your check book, work and life, romantic life with family, family with friendships, nutrition and physical health, etc. We can go on and on here of the different ways you are encouraged or dare I say it “need” to stay or create balance in your life in order to feel happy and peaceful. It’s active and constantly moving.
When you know who you are, you can create and maintain healthy boundaries and be in balance/alignment within yourself.
You know when you are out of balance when:
- You are in an extreme of any one direction
- You are feeling uncomfortable/angry/sad or out of whack
- The other person is feeling out of balance
- The relationship feels like it is a burden
- The other person is going above and beyond what feels comfortable to you
- You or the other person is feeling resentful or taken advantage of or for granted.
So how do you get back into balance? Feel your feelings so that you don’t over or under react but rather take action. Then identify what is out of balance and own it. The worst thing we can do is pretend like it doesn’t exist. This won’t change your circumstance it will only intensify it. Then communicate your needs to the other person. And follow through, take the steps necessary to shift back into balance – i.e. – if you need time to yourself then take it. Easier said than done, right?! Keep this in mind – it’s not going to shift and you won’t feel at peace until you do what you need to do to be back in alignment with yourself. Yup, it’s that easy!
You hear that…they’re playing your song… let’s dance baby!
You are so loved so love yourself just as much!