The ways in which people are dating and relating are changing. No surprise right? You are all being called to keep it “real” and stop wearing those masks you wear to disguise yourself from your partners, friends, co-workers and family! You know which ones I’m referring to here – the “I am such a perfect person” mask, or the “I’m the bad boy or girl you desire” mask, or the “I am this or have that” mask because “I don’t want you to see my pain or be vulnerable with anyone including myself” mask. You have probably been feeling the difference in your own relationships for some time now. As you all are being called to live more in spirit and attract people from your souls, your current relationships including what you desire from these relationships and any new ones are transforming.

Do you understand why you have attracted certain people to you? The Law of Attraction states – like attracts like. People are your mirrors to who you are and always will be. You can only attract what you think and feel about yourself. The only difference is that now you are no longer being satiated with the idea of having someone in your lives to complete you. You want something more because you know deep down inside that you are already complete and whole. This is your soul calling you. You have out lived the so-called my other or better “half” theory.

Your heart’s longing for each and all of your relationships are more about true heart and soul connections. You want to connect in a way with people that allows you to be who you really are and vice versa. Your hearts long to see and really be seen for your truth. For some time, you unconsciously related focusing more on an ego connection – attracting people from your pain body instead of your soul. In other words, what dominated your beliefs and thoughts about attracting a partner was – does he/she have:

1) Money, car, house, other material items (in order to take care of me)
2) A great body and looks (so I will look good to others)
3) What it takes to make me feel safe (will he/she protect me from my enemies)
4) Power or fame (to help me achieve some type social status),
5) Time to devote entirely to my life and needs (to make me feel important since I don’t believe it), etc.

This list can go on and on. However, when you attract from your ego or pain body, you are seeking for the other person to fill you in some way. You want the other person to make you feel better about yourself. You want the other person to take care of you in the ways in which your parents didn’t or couldn’t take care of you. You want your partners to take all of your pain away and take care of you, and all of your needs. And what you have learned is that you feel unsatisfied, disappointed and downright angry at the discovery that your partners can’t take your pain away or care for you the way you want them to. You may have also found that what you were attracted to and desired in a partner in the past just isn’t cutting it anymore.

But this is not meant to judge you in anyway. There was a purpose for these relationships and still is if you are currently in an ego connected relationship. While you attracted from your pain body, your soul was ever present even though you may have been unconscious to it. Your soul and your spirit guides were allowing the space in order for you to see for yourself what you were doing to you. This was done in an attempt for you to learn about yourself and how you have been covered with layers of dirt. This is dirt that can be cleaned away.

Even though you may have partnered with someone through your ego this is not to say that you cannot have a deep connection with this person. Yes absolutely you can and part of this deep connection is your souls’ contract to help the both of you to come to a place where you are growing, healing and learning to live out your soul’s truth. In fact, the majority of time you partnered with someone through your pain body in an attempt to see it and heal it. You were attracting your past programmed beliefs and experiences.

For example – if you partnered with someone who is selfish, this has shown up for the two of you to heal and grow. If the two of you are willing to give each other the space to heal and grow you will see the lessons your spirits are trying to teach you about selfishness. There are two sides to this shadow. It can show up within you as exactly as being selfish or a martyr. In other words, are you in anyway a selfish person? Someone who only thinks about him self and the world only revolves around you? Or are you the other side of this shadow, the martyr who is constantly putting others before you and your needs? Both sides of this shadow are just two extremes of the same issue – lack of balance in a relationship. And in either case, you were attracting a “selfish” person because you were vibrating on this frequency yourself and it needs to be seen and healed. The place of balance in this example is where both people’s thoughts and feelings are equally important. This is the space where you learn to value yourself (if you exhibit martyr tendencies) or you learn to value the other person (if you exhibit selfish tendencies).

Spirit will use each and every single relationship to help you to discover your soul’s truth even if this relationship was attracted from the pain body. And it could be part of both of your truths to help each other reach your soul’s destiny. However, most of the time you are clouded by your or the other person’s egos agendas and completely disconnect from your soul’s journey. Some get stuck here in the place where you don’t want to change you – you are just so focused on the other person changing. But the truth is, as you already know, you can’t make anyone change. You have the power to only change yourself.

But you all fear change. Why? Because you love to be comfortable even though your current comfortable is completely uncomfortable. You don’t want to take responsibility for yourself because it is so much easier to blame the other person for your uncomfortable-ness. Your egos want you to believe that it is the other person’s responsibility to change because it takes effort to be different and to live a different lifestyle – one that is lead by the soul. Being in a space of transformation is also the place of the unknown and you fear the unknown because your egos believe that this is a place of pain.

Some people’s egos will go so far as to say – “I already know this place where I am and I don’t know the other place so why change?” Or even “it can’t get any worse than this so I am not going to change.” Well yes it can become worse when you are ignoring your soul’s truth. It will become so uncomfortable for you it will be hard for you to continue to ignore your soul. There is also a belief that what your soul wants is for you to be in pain, poor, over worked, etc. Or that in order for you to connect more deeply to your souls’ you must suffer and go through more intense pain. Pain and suffering are present when you are in resistance to your experience and not allowing yourself to fully appreciate the learning and growth your soul is connecting with. The pain and fear comes when you are resisting your soul’s truth. And to live your soul’s truth you must be willing to lead by your soul and not your egos and this requires change.

For too long, it has been believed that to be in spirit or be spiritual means to be in a space of lack. If this is a practice used to help you to connect closer to your soul instead of connecting to your ego then it is appreciated. However, if this belief is used by your ego to judge you and keep you from fulfilling a life of abundance then there is some exploring you need to do within yourself. You need to explore your beliefs, thoughts and feelings towards being a creator. Because if you believe that someone else is responsible for your happiness, that someone else is the creator of your life and your destiny then you are believing that what ever good or bad comes your way is all because of someone else and you are just a puppet of their show. If this is what you choose to believe then it is your choice to live your life in this way and in deed whether you believe it or not you have created your life the way you believe it to be.

The truth is all your soul really wants is to love, to be abundant, to feel true peace, etc. and to filter your lives through your hearts. Your soul’s desire for you is to feel safe, secure, loved and whole. Your soul uses all experiences to grow regardless if they are painful or joyful. It doesn’t seek out pain. Once you step up into your spiritual core all of your soul needs will come first. Your soul will not allow something to happen to you if it isn’t meant to happen or if it will not connect you more deeply to yourself. So there is no need to fear what your soul desires especially if it is about changing your current circumstance to align you more deeply to your true essence. Changing yourself is about listening and trusting your intuition and living out your soul’s truth. You are here to learn how to love, to open your heart and connect in a true intimate way.

Are you a spiritual gangster? Do you want to connect with your soul and that of another in a real way? The new template for relating is based on this basic notion – you CHOOSE the people you want to love. Yes you read it correctly – it is your choice. For some time there was a belief floating around that you don’t get to choose whom you love. Well this belief came from a pain body, yes someone’s shadow side. It is a belief based on the notion that you are not the master of your life and all of what you experience is because of someone else. Someone else is in the driver seat. Someone else creates your happiness and pain. In this belief – you are literally giving your power away. While you may have certain soul contracts with people, this does not mean that you cannot change it by choosing to experience something different. This is your life your journey and you have the power to change what you are experiencing at any given moment just by changing your beliefs and thoughts.

It is your choice to break free from the beliefs that chain you to feeling powerless. You can choose someone to love from your soul. What is your destiny? Your destiny is to discover the divine in someone else and for the other person to discover the divine within you. And it is your choice to live out this destiny or to go down a path of limitlessness. You have a purpose in your life. This purpose is to discover how you want to connect with people, which really is, how do you want to connect with yourself. Do you want to see and be seen for who you really are? Do you want to see the other person for who they really are? The first step is to become conscious of how you want to love and be loved. Every relationship you are in is part of your evolution. As the relationship changes, you shift and evolve into who you are – if you are choosing to see the truth and realness of you.

Relationships aren’t here to make you happy. Yes happiness is part of it but the partnership is not exclusively to make you happy. Relationships are here to help you to grow and teach you how to love. It will teach you about true intimacy and vulnerability if it is your Choice to experience it. In a true intimacy relationship model, your soul will lead you to be in relationship where you are looking at your pain or shadow but from a space of healing and growth. In this type of relationship, your partner expands you into the real expression of yourself and that is love. In a true intimacy relationship model, your partner shows you how to love unconditionally. This is someone who sees your pain body for what it is and doesn’t run away. This person gives you the opportunity to see this within yourself and heal it and you give your partner the very same gift. You don’t have to like the other person’s shadow and they don’t have to like yours but you give each other the space for healing and growth.

The person who can see you at your worst and still love you is a keeper. This is not say you should stay with someone who is abusing you. This is not acceptable and a deal breaker. A deal breaker is when you and/or your values are violated. The divine doesn’t promote the notion of you being violated in any way. In this circumstance, you are each vibrating on a different frequency and are unable to reach a place of seeing each other eye to eye. This is a space where there is no balance or compromise in the ways you agree to disagree, or you completely disagree in the ways you choose to relate to one another.

A true intimacy relationship model means that if you get cranky, scared or even jealous sometimes, etc. your partner is there to unconditionally love you. Unconditional love is the capacity to stay and be in the relationship when you see someone’s shadow come out. You hold the space to say this is coming from your fear and I’m going to hold you accountable to healing and learning from this. They love you and don’t abandon you. You allow the space for your partner to have bad and good days. You also hold yourself accountable to healing and learning from this too. Because relationships are mirrors you have some part of the person’s shadow but it is up to you to discover your soul’s lesson. It might not be clear at first but if you are conscious to the fact that all relationships are mirrors and here to teach you something about you then you will discover the lesson hidden behind the other person’s shadow.

In this soul relationship, you hold the space for shifts within each of you and above all else you hold the space of compassion. This is true intimacy. It is not the space where you say to yourself my partner is having a bad day and this is messing up my day so screw him/her. A true soul relationship creates space for healing and growth where your partner empowers you to grow in a loving, caring and gentle way and vice versa. The relationship allows you the opportunity to connect more deeply with yourself and when you can connect more intimately with yourself you can connect more intimately with others. This is the dance of a true soul relationship model. Are you ready and willing to dance? You are so loved so love yourself just as much!

Love Yourself! Weekly Assignment
Journal about the following:
1) Are you looking for your partner to fill or complete you in any way with money, good looks, power, etc.?
2) Do you spend your time blaming or trying to fix or change your partner?
3) What shadow or pain body issues keep arising in your relationship?
4) Do you and your partner recognize the shadow/pain body issues the two of you mirror to each other?
5) Do you compassionately allow the space for your partner to heal and grow and take responsibility for themselves?
6) Does your partner compassionately allow the space for you to heal and grow and take responsibility for yourself?
7) Do you and/or your partner take responsibility for yourselves, actions and behaviors?
Are you and your partner learning from each other?
9) Are the two of you learning how to love more deeply and unconditionally?
10) What is your relationship teaching you about you?