Many of you grew up in environments where there were certain expectations set by your family, teachers, community, religious leaders, etc. You learned at an early age what was “right” and what was “wrong” behavior. While learning and understanding about boundaries was and is healthy, some of you were imprinted with beliefs associated with “right” and “wrong or bad.” These beliefs were reinforced with rewards if you did something “right” and punishment if you did something “wrong.” Let’s take it a step further. You may have also been taught to perceive that love, acceptance and approval were given only when you did something “right” and you were abandoned, rejected or abused when you did something “wrong.” This left no room for you to make mistakes and for some of you it created a “need to be perfect.” Of course it did? All you really wanted was the love, acceptance and approval of our parents, friends, guides, etc. And all you will ever want is LOVE, ACCEPTANCE and APPROVAL.
The challenge is how can you love, accept and approve of yourself when you believe you cannot make a mistake. Being human is about making mistakes. Mistakes are how you learn and grow. Mistakes are your greatest teachers as they show you what feels right for you on your journey through life and what doesn’t feel right for you. For example, there was a time when I believed my marriage to my ex-husband was a mistake. And what do you think I did? I judged myself and did not love, accept or approve of myself because I believed I was “wrong” for actually being in the marriage where I was unhappy and then ending it. However, the marriage, all the experiences associated with it and the divorce were my greatest teachers. I learned so much about myself. I learned that there were so many things I really needed and wanted to learn about being in a healthy, unconditionally loving spiritual relationship. And since the divorce I have learned how to be a better communicator, protect my boundaries, and to be emotionally intimate in a way I have never ever been before with others and myself. But most importantly I am learning how to love, accept and approve myself especially when I make a mistake. I am learning how to be human.
We place so many expectations on ourselves out of that original belief or perception of wanting to be perfect, to get it “right” so we can receive love, acceptance and approval. But what can be more beautiful and right than in loving, accepting and approving of yourself when you fall down, say something silly, or spill coffee on your white shirt. Or how about when you loose your temper and you yell at someone that didn’t quite deserve that behavior? But guess what – this stuff happens all the time – to everyone. Being human doesn’t guarantee you a trip to holiness but what it does guarantee are the opportunities to love, accept and approve yourself unconditionally without hesitation or equivocation. Being human is not about learning how to be perfect but about learning how to be perfectly okay with being imperfect.
You are so loved so love yourself just as much!
Love Yourself! Assignment
Journal about a time in your life when you made a mistake with as much detail as possible. What were the things you told yourself during or after the experience? Did you believe you were bad or wrong? Were you able to forgive yourself for making a mistake? Or did you punish yourself for it? How do you feel about it now? What are the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself now for the situation? Did you observe and correct your behavior? Do you love, accept and approve of yourself now?
