A child’s greatest fear is to be judged and abandoned. Children who are being abused (emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, and spiritually) will not speak out against their trespasser because they fear they will be judged and abandoned. They inherently know that if they speak out they will be removed from and/or treated differently by their parents/caretaker. We carry this F.E.A.R. (false evidence appearing real) within ourselves as an adult. Our inherent inner child doesn’t want to speak out, be who we are, live our truth because we are afraid to be judged and abandoned. We don’t feel safe just like we did when we were children so we hide ourselves both from the world and ourselves.
But we self judge and abandon ourselves every single time we don’t speak our truth. When we say yes to everyone, or agree with someone when we disagree or don’t tell someone what we desire or prefer – we abandon ourselves. Or if we choose to stay in relationships that don’t allow us to be who we are – we abandon ourselves. Or when we perform a job for years on end that doesn’t fulfill our heart’s desires – we abandon ourselves. Or when we sell ourselves short and settle because we don’t believe we deserve – we abandon ourselves. This is how we do not show up for ourselves.
When we don’t show up for ourselves who is holding the fort. In other words, we are so busy taking care of someone else’s needs, not wanting to hurt someone else but who is taking care of us? This is when we hang on to resentments towards other people about what they did or didn’t do for us. Not that we should condone anyone’s behavior. However, we always point our fingers at someone else for violating our boundaries but we violated ourselves long before by not protecting our own boundaries as an adult by not speaking our truth. But when we can show up and be there for ourselves we don’t look outside of ourselves for anyone else to take care of us.
The other ways we judge and abandon ourselves is when we also strive to ACT out our most “perfect” self out of FEAR. Not allowing space to make mistakes and when we do this we are not living our most authentic lives. We are not in our truth. Being human is the ability to allow our selves to shine not only our light but to reveal our shadow sides. Being human is about making mistakes because it is through these mistakes that we learn and grow. Mistakes are really just experiences. To even label them as mistakes is to categorize and judge them as wrong or bad. Learning comes from all types of experiences. And these experiences help us to formulate our truth.
For example – have you ever been in an experience that has tested your will? You learned through this that you were strong, resourceful and powerful beyond measure. Have you ever been in an experience where you helped someone else? You realized how caring and gentle you are. Did someone hurt you in a previous relationship? You discovered how to protect your boundaries, heal yourself and forgive. And have you ever been in a situation where you hurt someone else? And you learned how to be compassionate and shift your own behavior.
Regardless of the outcomes, would you categorize any of these situations as wrong, bad or mistakes? No absolutely not because they each taught you something about YOU. There are no mistakes only life lessons which are all perfect for the evolution of YOU. So make knowing yourself perfect. Make loving yourself perfect. Make accepting yourself perfect. And when you reach your edge, the place where you are tested beyond what you believe you could handle give it to the divine and see what happens. This is when you realize your humanness and you connect with who you really are – your truth!
LOVE YOURSELF! Assignment
Become conscious of who you are, what are your needs, what do you believe, what you love and desire, be present with who you are and what you need in the moment despite what others might think. And be honest with yourself. Ask the question: If I weren’t afraid, I would ______ then fill in the blank. Do this a few times until your truth spills out of your mouth. Your heart, your spirit wants to reveal itself to you, but you must be willing to hear and know it. Your truth is just behind your fears. Once you can acknowledge your truth, you will feel free, less anxious, and less confused about life. With truth there is peace, inspiration and empowerment to be who you are and have always meant to be.
