Mother Theresa once said
“If you judge people you have no time to love them.”
And Diana says:
“If people (including yourself) judge you then they (you) have no time to love you either.”
Judgment is a process of forming an opinion by discerning, comparing, contrasting and controlling. It is a human invention. But no two people, things or situations are the same. Our minds like to categorize and label people so we may make sense of the world around us. Our minds want to make things simple – this belongs here and that belongs there. We want to make things fit or not. We want to make things fit a standard of perfection, morality or truth. But does this make us bad?
Some people may argue that we must be able to judge people in some way because we do not always want to invite certain people into our space – someone who may be abusive. Yes, we must discern whom we allow into our sacred space. This is a way we demonstrate love for our selves and create healthy boundaries. But the questions are: Are we judging people by comparing them to others? What exactly are we judging? Are we judging people because we are insecure? Are we judging people because we are afraid? And even though we may judge initially, do we allow people the opportunity to show who they really are to us? Or do we shut people out before they even have a chance to open the door?
All too often we judge people by their physical features, the clothes they wear, the cars they drive, their jobs, the size of their wallets. The list goes on. We judge things based on their outsides. However, a person is what’s inside – not what’s outside. Is this to say those with abundance are selfish and greedy? No, but our focus or vision needs to be on the person’s individual merits. A good question to ask your self is how does a person treat his/her self? If they treat themselves with love, compassion and kindness you will find that they will treat you the same. Also, how does the person treat others (majority of the time) while in your presence? Sometimes, people will not fully reveal whom they are but will show you by the way they treat other people. When entering a building, do they hold the door open for the person walking behind them? Are they kind to the waiter or waitress or berating demands? Do they smile at children or snicker at their presence? Will they offer an elder a seat on the bus? Are they gossiping about other people – laughing at how another person may be dressed or be? Is the person’s life lead by their spirit or ego – do they look to be of service or rather only focus on accumulating material items? This will give you a good indication of who they really are on the inside regardless of what you see on the outside. And even then, ask yourself this – do you really know why a person does what he or she does or does not do?
When you are judging someone else you may want to consider – how you feel when someone judges you based on what you have or don’t have in your life. What do you feel when someone judges you by how you look? How does it make you feel when someone judges you based on a mistake that you made even though it may have been unintentional? Would you want someone to get to know you first before making a decision on you based on your cover or a bad day that you may be having? No one can walk in your shoes but I am sure you would want someone to compassionately understand what it would be like to walk in them. Practice this type of awareness toward someone you are judging.
Each time we judge superficially something inside us understands and our self-esteem diminishes. We become what we do to others. So the REAL question is not whether you are judging others superficially, are you judging yourself superficially? Those of us with the highest of standards or ideals tend to judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else would ever judge us. We judge not only our actions but our thoughts and feelings and even our fantasies! Everything falls short. We project our own judegments of ourselves onto others who then seem to judge us because they are merely mirroring to us our own disappointment.
The truth is you are not your clothes, car, house, job, bank account. You are not your physical features. You are a SPIRIT having a human experience, a beloved child of the Divine. You are full of worth and dignity. When we can see through the illusions of life the truth is seen by our soul and we increase our self-worth. Understand and appreciate the best in yourself, unconditionally love yourself and you will boost your self-esteem. Spirit never judges us but gives us opportunities opportunities to learn. So let yourself off the hook. Judgments block your energy and create internal defenses and resistance to life, to love, and to you. When you unconditionally love anyone, it does not mean you accept all of his or her actions or behaviors. You can unconditionally love anyone, without condoning his or her behavior. Do the same for yourself. Unconditionally love yourself and change your behavior to improve yourself, and bring out that inner goodness you have on the inside to the outside. Open the door to the real you.
Exercise in Unconditional Love
1. Take a moment to notice how you measure the world and yourself against your ideals rather than to Spiritual truth.
2. Reflect on a time when you had a judgment towards someone or yourself and say to yourself “I release all judgments I have placed on myself for (whatever is coming up).” That person is just mirroring to you yourself and when you release your own judgment towards yourself you release it towards that person.
3. As you say this to yourself, feel yourself releasing judgment through each breath you take and replace it with acceptance and unconditional love for yourself and others.
You are so loved so love yourself just as much!!!
