Half the harm that is done in this world
Is due to people who want to feel important
They don’t mean to do harm
But the harm does not interest them.
Or they do not see it, or they justify it
Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle
To think well of themselves.
~T. S. Eliot
With the strong wave of self-love messages we have been receiving from spirit, there seems to be confusion as to the difference between this, and narcissism. These are indeed not the same. Not too long ago, it was considered outright arrogant to love one’s self but the truth is how could you possibly love another if you don’t know how to love yourself? The difference is really in your perspective and agenda. Are you in your heart’s love for and of yourself? Or are you inside your mind’s love agenda for and of yourself at the expense of all others? The focus here is in the agenda part of the ego or of self. This is not about beating up, judging or berating your ego or yourself. Your ego serves a purpose and is part of you. Why would you want to destroy or batter a part of you? That’s not expressing love to you now is it? Part of your journey on earth is to become conscious of yourself in your entirety and to teach your ego to play by your soul’s rules. You can develop a healthy ego. This is actually what is considered to be a strong self-esteem or self-love. It is the connection between and integration of the healthy ego and heart. It is the process of accepting and loving all of yourself including the aspects you are ashamed of that you desperately try to hide from everyone including yourself.
Narcissism is an inflated self-esteem where the person is obsessed in oneself to the exclusion of all others. While at times we are called to exercise our own power in situations, stand in our truth and protect our boundaries, thereby placing our own needs before someone else’s, narcissism is not of this essence. The “narcissist” has a lack of compassion for anyone else. You can protect your boundaries be in your truth and power while still being compassionate without an intention to exclude, manipulate or hurt another.
A narcissistic person’s perspective about himself is beyond larger than life itself feeling they are better than other people and sometimes not willing to share the limelight with others. They crave admiration and will boast about their talents, possessions, etc. from a place of “look at me I am better than you.” Sometimes someone who is a narcissistic will also give to others with an unconscious agenda of being admired by others for “being a giving person.” They will invent stories, pretend to be someone they are not and blame others for their own mistakes. The point here is that the narcissist deepest desire is to be seen, approved of, accepted, and loved. And some of you might be saying to yourself – “hmmm well I desire all of those things too. Does this make me a narcissist?” Read on.
People often times will mistakenly think or believe that the narcissist is so in love with himself. However, this is farthest from the truth. This person has no balance or a sense of true self-love, self-acceptance, or self-esteem. The narcissist is desperate for love, acceptance and approval of themselves believing it’s admiration they seek from other people who just mirror back at him an image that he projects to them. And the most amazing healing action for someone like this and anyone to take in order to change their life is to become aware of his agenda.
So if you are wondering whether you are a narcissist, become aware of your agenda. All of us bounce between the two ends of the spectrum of narcissism and low self-esteem (this is the extreme opposite of narcissism and will be discussed in another newsletter). We may not reach the extreme places of each area just scraping the edge of it at moments. At times we may believe we are better than and at other times we may believe we are less than others. It can depend on the person or people we might be interacting with in the moment. It can also depend on the situations and place. We may feel more adept at work and less so in social settings or vice versa. It is all based on our perceptions of ourselves and what is happening in our lives in that space. Our goal is to find a balance on the spectrum and be in our center which is where self-love, self-acceptance and self-esteem sits waiting for us to join it.
We are souls enrolled in this school called earth wearing our human uniforms. It is part of our experience and learning to understand who we are and how we behave in our human uniforms. Our goal in earth school is to become conscious, aware and spiritual warriors. We are here to understand ourselves, become awake to whom we really are which means learning how we tick and loving and accepting all of it. Why do you do the things you do? Is it because something or someone reminded you of a memory? Did you want something in return? Or were you in your heart’s truth and were motivated by your soul? Can you be still with yourself in the midst of life’s chaos or do you distract yourself not wanting to deal with it? Are you willing to hold your own hand when you are in the depths of your darkest moments or do you look to someone else to fill you? Will you still love, accept and approve of yourself even when others do not especially those you love?
Take time to understand yourself. Be vigilant about learning the reasons why you do the things you do – not just the wonderful things but also the other things you try to bury. Then simply ask yourself – do I want to continue to behave, think or feel this way? If you decide to reject and ignore your choices you are not practicing self-love. Empower yourself and make the choice to either change and/or keep your behavior, thoughts and feelings. This is what creates a strong healthy self-esteem. It is accepting responsibility for all of your actions, not blaming it on or giving the credit away to someone else, and loving and accepting yourself with all of your choices.
What are self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-love? They all mean the same thing.
To accept and love yourself unconditionally and have a strong self-esteem is to:
* Give yourself permission to behave or be the person you are and not limit yourself in order to receive acceptance and love from another.
* Place no conditions for accepting and loving yourself.
* Take a risk to be intimate with yourself without any limits or expectations.
* Accept and love yourself for the fact that you exist rather than for what you do.
* Allow yourself to be yourself rather than what others want or expect you to be.
* Treat and talk to yourself as you would your own best friend.
ARE YOU READY TO UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE AND ACCEPT YOU?
