The connection between love and boundaries.
When I was 29 years old, I married my first husband. I wore a beautiful white dress, high heel sandals, a blingy tiara and a 3 carat diamond ring to match. My hair and makeup were flawless. I felt like a princess. I loved it.
Until I got to the aisle.
That’s where this voice inside of me began to shriek. I kept hearing over and over again “don’t do this…he is not the one…this won’t last…he doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved.” I was so confused. I thought I was crazy.
I felt overwhelmed and afraid. Before walking down the aisle, I told my bridal party I had to go to the bathroom.
When I arrived at the bathroom, I took a deep breath. The voice inside of me grew louder telling me not to get married. I told myself to be quiet that if it didn’t work out I could always get a divorce. Marriage wasn’t a jail sentence. I could leave at any time. I just wanted to be married like the other women who were my age, and not be single or alone anymore.
To this day, I don’t remember walking out of the bathroom or walking down the aisle or saying my vows and I do. I completely blocked it out of my memory. It was like I wasn’t even there. Much like my marriage and most of my relationships, “I” didn’t exist. I was alone.
It took me 7 years to leave my husband.
It took me another 5 years to fully forgive, trust and unconditionally love myself again.
This isn’t the only story I added to the “you can’t be trusted file.” Over the first few years, I lied to myself about people and their intentions. I created evidence of how I am just not good at choosing loving trustworthy relationships or creating ones that will last.
Although I was fortunate to have had some really amazing relationships and experiences throughout my life, I still had trouble fully trusting that at any moment I might turn the corner and find myself making a relationship decision that was not in alignment with me, my heart’s desires or my soul. The wounds of this experience still bled and affected not only how I saw myself but how I related to other people. I began trying to hide and not be noticed, and I was afraid of anyone getting too close or thinking that they could mold or change me to what they wanted me to be. Anything that felt shameful about me became a secret that ate away at me because I didn’t dare trust anyone with it. I became whatever the other person wanted me to be just so they would love me and I wouldn’t be alone.
I remember years ago watching Sex in the City and hearing Charlotte exclaiming that she had been dating since she was 16 and when was she going to find the one…she learned, grew and then she married her second husband. Charlotte knew who she was and what she wanted for herself. She expressed herself and she had clear boundaries. Charlotte had a beautiful loving trustworthy family, great friends and she was a respected professional. She created a life that she loved. To be honest, I was envious.
Yea, right, it’s a television show. It’s make-believe. Sure, I had some great relationships. But I didn’t have a single person in my life who I loved unconditionally as they loved me and we weren’t looking to change each other. I didn’t have relationships with people whom I trusted. Deep down I thought life was truer to the movie Kill Bill rather than Charlotte’s perfect TV world.
But then things dramatically changed.
Fast forward to now. I have strong relationships with people who are like-minded, inspiring, loving, and trustworthy. They support me when I need someone to have my back, to uplift me and celebrate me. They believe in me and honor who I am. They are not trying to change me. They respect me and my boundaries. They inspire me to be more ME. My heart is open to love. I’ve found my voice. I express my truth and live a life that I love.
This didn’t happen only because I found incredible people, (yes I did start attracting them) but something deeper within me changed.
I healed. I developed and maintained healthy boundaries. I began to trust. I shifted the relationship I had with myself.
I have a background in psychology, spiritual, life and positive psychology coaching, NLP and over the past 10 years I’ve worked one on one with clients, led workshops, retreats, two BEing Open to Love Sacred Circles, transformational groups consisting of men and women, and have over and over again seen this theory play out: There is a connection between love and boundaries.
The level at which we can trust, accept and love another person is a direct reflection of the level at which we can trust, accept and love ourselves. The level of respect we have of another person’s boundaries directly reflects the level of respect we have of our own boundaries.
I’ve experienced and witnessed how being a part of sacred circle is incredibly healing to our past wounds that have impacted our relationship with ourselves. I’ve experienced and seen how being part of a like-minded group and bravely trusting your vulnerability to be seen, helps you see yourself. The circle always returns home to you. Being in a sacred circle of people helps you love yourself more. Loving yourself more deepens your relationships to others.
Deep authentic bonds with others have created some of my most profound spiritual experiences because it has opened my heart, created more compassion and empathy that spills out into the world.
The Being Open to Love program has many benefits, yet the ONE that I stand firmly on is the healing that takes place in the hearts of the people who bravely step forward to explore their boundaries and begin to love. Undoubtedly they trust, respect and love more deeply at the end of the 9 months having birthed a new sense of self. That gift is priceless because it continues to deepen with each day.
If you are willing to love, respect, trust and accept yourself more deeply than you ever have, then I invite you to consider the Being Open to Love sacred circle beginning in March. There are 8 spots in this intimate group. It includes training by me, private coaching and respectful loving relationships with like-minded people.
You deserve a life and relationships you Love.
In this moment, you don’t have to be “ready.” All you have to be in this moment is “willing.” If you are willing to learn more about the benefits gained by this program I invite you to participate in a FREE “BEing Open to Love” coaching session. During this special one-on-one coaching session we’ll work together to:
1. Create a crystal-clear vision for the kind of relationship that you’d like to attract and have.
2. We’ll uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your successes with Being Open to Love.
3. You’ll leave the session feeling renewed, re-energized and inspired to take the next step to creating the relationships of your dreams.
After the session, you will receive the BEing Open to Love Sacred Circle program guide and an activation playsheet.
You don’t have to settle for less.
I have been right where you are in this moment. I was frustrated about my life and relationships. I didn’t have healthy boundaries and I felt overwhelmed about the direction of my life and relationships. I felt scared and alone. Now, I am living the life of my dreams one that I love and you can too.
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